This may be something you’ve done, or you’re doing… But you would be surprised at how many people have never thought about it. Honestly, I would have never done it had I not read a book that encouraged me to do so. This book truly was about praying more specifically to God. I know many wonderful people that struggle because they want to find the love of their life to marry, but can’t. I figured I would share the story of how I found my husband to see if it can help you out.
This book suggested that God could give us whatever He wanted to (for the good of our soul of course, not just anything but you already know that) that you simply needed to ask for it. But ask for you what you want! Don’t just say: I want a bicycle. What kind of bicycle do you want? A blue one? A yellow one? What brand? What size? If He can give you anything, then ask specifically for what you want. I found the concept very interesting, after all I can ask – knowing that I only want it if it’s according to His will. Then, the author went on to present the case of a woman that dreamed of being married but had been unsuccessful for years. He told her: write down a list of virtues and attributes you would like in a man, and let’s pray together. Then, take this list with you and pray with it every day. Well, a few months later she came back to tell him she had married this wonderful American teacher (this story took place in Asia) who happened to be a musician in his free time (all these things part of her list). Her prayer had been answered.
Well, I decided to try it out. Not like I would go out with my list and checking it anytime I met someone (and ditch them if they didn’t meet an x amount of items) not at all. But it would give me some direction when asking God to help me find the man He wanted for me. At that point, I was a newly converted Catholic (raised Catholic but not a practicing household) and I had made many mistakes in my life. By trying to find true love on my own, I had stumbled upon many rocks and kissed many frogs. I had suffered much and I have hurt more than what I would ever want to. So, what did I have to lose?
My list had some of these items:
I wanted a practicing Catholic man, tall, with light-colored eyes. Ideally he would have a profession he loves and would support my vocation (at that time I was a songwriter), he would get along with his family and not have any addictions. This sweet man would love animals and be sweet and outgoing.
I want to stop here because I really don’t remember most of it – but those were some of the most important items. I didn’t pray with a piece of paper every day, I just asked God for that man I would love to meet if it was His will and I mentioned the things on my list. Somehow, this brought me peace and joy. I was happy knowing that I was telling God what I wanted, knowing He would give me what I needed. It was fun but it was also serious. After many years of mistakes and looking for true love blindly, I had finally given that up to the One that sees it all. What a relief!
Right after I moved to the US, I met the love of my life. It was so evident this was the answer to my prayer, that when I met him, I wasn’t even attracted to him! I met Aaron at bar. LAME. But he was so polite, always sober, he simply seemed out of place there. However, I was not attracted to him and really loved the guy like you love your brother (He knows this!) 3 months later, without having his number, without having hung out with him, one day I saw him post a video online (I don’t even know what it was) and I thought to myself: I like this guy! Truly, I had no reason to feel this way. I had never really talked to him and didn’t know much about his life. Now looking back, I actually see that scene at my college dorm as a veil being removed from my eyes. I know exactly that’s what it was. God was showing me this was the man He had for me. Of course, I didn’t realize then that’s what it was, but that’s how it all started.
I’m not going to go into the details of our relationship and marriage, because that is a whole different crazy story! But here’s what I want you to take from this.
When this veil had fallen off, it’s not like I jumped and said: OH MY LIST LET ME CHECK! It all happened so naturally. As it was expected, there were a few things that I didn’t ‘want’ from my list, but there were SO many I had asked for (even the most trivial ones!) and SO many I didn’t think to ask for and God gave them to me anyway. The things that were a challenge, could perfectly be worked on. There was one thing from his past that made me think: I won’t ever be able to marry this guy – but that too was taken care of. I knew that if God wanted us together, He would provide. And he did!
At the time I met him, he was an almost agnostic. He had been very lost, had a very bad relationship before for a couple of years (it was a bad deal for both parties) and wasn’t the best version of himself. I am pretty sure this woman feels sorry for me – but if she only knew what God has made of him! Not like he was awful or anything like that, but he wasn’t the best he could be and both parties had caused each other much harm. This makes me think about some of the people I had relationships with the past: maybe they too can change if they open their hearts to God. That is the only way that true change takes place in people!
A few weeks after getting together for the first time, he experienced a tremendous conversion. Like me, he had received the sacraments but was not raised in a practicing Catholic family, so he got lost along the way (can I say like me, again?)
Two weeks after he asked me to be his girlfriend, I was in Paraguay when he told me: I see how you live your life and I would like that too. Can you teach me how to pray? He also told me he wanted to go to confession (after easily 10 years or more!) and to go to Mass with me. I simply couldn’t believe this – I didn’t even have time to pray for his conversion and it was all happening so quickly. His conversion is one of the most remarkable ones I have seen so far. Of course it is a work in progress, but… Aren’t we all?
So again, there were things I didn’t ask for that were dear for me to deal with, for me to fall in love with and for me to grow with. On top of that, I had absolute certainty that he was the man for me because I had given that up to God and when Aaron came to my life, it was more than obvious. It took a little bit of humility to say: OK Lord, you take control, not me. It took patience: I decided to patiently wait without going around dating anymore. It took getting used to being by myself (something most people struggle with these days and of course, I did too) and being comfortable with silence. I am well aware that once God accomplished in my soul what He wanted, He sent this wonderful gentleman my way.
I look at our story like this: after I started praying for this, he moved me all the way from Asuncion, Paraguay to Topeka, KS to meet a man from Kansas City. But He saw it was good, and made it happen regardless of the distance and life circumstances.
If you’re trying to discern what your vocation is, pray about it! Ask the Blessed Mother to help you and guide you. If you’ve discerned that marriage is your vocation, pray for your future spouse! Ask God for the things you’d like in a husband/wife and let Him surprise you with what’s best for you. Don’t despair, don’t lose hope and always seek to do His will: this is the only way to true peace and joy in this life.
Happy Praying to you! 🙂